Here I am just looking over my shoulder waiting for my cancer to return. Seriously I don't know why. I have been this route before and didn't really pay that much attention to it. Maybe as I get older I am realizing my own mortality. When you are younger you think you will live forever. Sometimes forever gets here quicker than we plan. I know I shouldn't look at my life this way. I have my good days and some seriously bad days. We all do but for people living with cancer or having had it at some point we seem to over think our cancers. I try to look for the good in each day, that is all that I can do.
Each cancer brought with it a side effect from the treatments. My cervical cancer generously brought me early menopause, nerve damage, pain and tingling in my feet and legs. It brought me back problems, more so the radiations effect here, and ringing in my right ear. It has given me bowel and bladder problems. My breast cancer treatments added to the tingling in my legs and feet, gave me lymphedema in both arms, first the right than a year later the left (the left arm is where they draw blood and do blood pressures, time to change this), tingling and numbness in my hands, as well as I am now told degenerative joint disease in my right shoulder (again I believe this one is radiation induced). These are some of the things chemo drugs and radiation can bring to the table. Not everyone will suffer from all of these problems, they may get 1 or 2 of these side effects or not see any. It may take a year or two before seeing any problems or like me it may be right away. My point here is listen and feel what your body is telling you. Only you know your body well enough to say something isn't right here. Look online for groups or through your local Cancer Society for people who have gone through cancer, having someone to talk to or being able to read others status updates can seriously help you.
Knowledge is power, not always folks. There is so much varying information out there online about cancer and treatments that it can send you reeling into a tail spin. My suggestion get all the information about your test results first so you can make better informed decisions about your care. This allows you to go in with your eyes wide open. Also find out what "All" the side effects are that the treatment can bring. Once you find out what type and stage cancer you have then by all means go to a website that is specifically for your cancer. They usually have a list of questions that you can ask your team of doctors. Also I recommend that you are comfortable with your doctors. Don't feel like you have to go with the first opinion as well. Doctors will not take offense if you seek out advice from another physician..
The reason I now look over my shoulder is because I went through two different cancers. They were nine years apart. I went for genetic testing after my breast cancer and found I was BRAC1 and that there is another cancer that could possible happen as well as a reoccurance of the breast cancer. Who really knows at this point. I wasn't told about this possibility by my first oncologist, maybe he just didn't want to scare me after what I had already gone through. I scrutinize every lump, bump, pain, and mole now. I don't get all crazy, I take note of it so that when I go for my 3 month oncological check up I can let the doctor know what is going on. After all you know your own body and should never let a physician or anybody else say they think it is nothing. If you think it is something go with your gut instincts.
I started a journal when I was diagnosed with BC, I wish that I had done that with the Cervical Cancer. I write in it when I am having a good or bad day. I don't share my feelings well with family or anybody else. I can say yes I am scared but I can't let that rule my life. So I take each and every day as it comes. I so would like to just hide under the covers some days but I know I can't do that. I have to get up on those days and face the world head on. Music and meditation are a big part of my life as well as trying to eat right and some excercise. I have to do manual drainage massage for the lymphedema, put on sleeves and gloves during the day, at night lotion and bandage up the arms. I also have excercises for my arms. I take short walks as well. When the mood strikes me I do some crafts, jewelery, crochet and wood burning. The key is to always keep your mind busy!
